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formicine[backdated to mid-late November]
It's been over a week now, since she and Ellie ended things, or whatever it was that they did: whatever you can call that talk, fight, confession, it's over, and whether or not it's maybe for the best, Blue feels like a part of her has been forcibly removed. Two trees that had grown together across a fence, separated and unstable, with holes torn wide.
Over a week, but she can still hear the words they exchanged in her head. She's kept it to herself, for the most part, that nagging doubt, the hurt in Ellie's tone that she put there. They're all keeping the weight of things to themselves; existing, in Hywel, almost as ghostly as Noah but weighed down by the fact of his actual insubstantiality. They should be happy, shouldn't they? That the demon was defeated, that Gansey was brought back?
But they've all lost so much. In bits and all at once, big things and little things. It wears. And it stirs doubt.
So she's flopped on Adam's bed, the one in Hywel. He occupies Ronan's room more often, so who knows when he'll be back in here, but it seems like a proper place to do some thinking about the nature of her relationships to other people. He seems like a proper person to ask; he's also had to deal with -- with Blue being Blue.
And up until she demands he be honest, at least, it feels like a safe place that isn't her room filled with her thoughts and her memories, too.
She lies on her back with her head off the side, tossing her keys back and forth in her hands and thinking too much.
It's been over a week now, since she and Ellie ended things, or whatever it was that they did: whatever you can call that talk, fight, confession, it's over, and whether or not it's maybe for the best, Blue feels like a part of her has been forcibly removed. Two trees that had grown together across a fence, separated and unstable, with holes torn wide.
Over a week, but she can still hear the words they exchanged in her head. She's kept it to herself, for the most part, that nagging doubt, the hurt in Ellie's tone that she put there. They're all keeping the weight of things to themselves; existing, in Hywel, almost as ghostly as Noah but weighed down by the fact of his actual insubstantiality. They should be happy, shouldn't they? That the demon was defeated, that Gansey was brought back?
But they've all lost so much. In bits and all at once, big things and little things. It wears. And it stirs doubt.
So she's flopped on Adam's bed, the one in Hywel. He occupies Ronan's room more often, so who knows when he'll be back in here, but it seems like a proper place to do some thinking about the nature of her relationships to other people. He seems like a proper person to ask; he's also had to deal with -- with Blue being Blue.
And up until she demands he be honest, at least, it feels like a safe place that isn't her room filled with her thoughts and her memories, too.
She lies on her back with her head off the side, tossing her keys back and forth in her hands and thinking too much.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 04:32 am (UTC)"The part where we're both stupid and in love with each other," she says, flatly, "only we keep trying to pretend it's not going to get in the way of anyone else we love or if we just hold our breath long enough it'll disappear, or something."
She glances across Copper at him. "Figured you'd have a perspective on. Well, the me part."