She probably shouldn't have said love, Blue reflects, anxiously, only after she's said it. It's not that she doesn't mean it, but what if it's too much? Or if she doesn't mean it yet in the way she's supposed to mean it when you're talking to someone who you want to kiss and it's the wrong thing to say?
That's always the trouble, isn't it? She loves Beth, and Olive, too, but she doesn't want to curl up with them the way she does with Tris. She hadn't been to saying I love you to Ellie as a friend when they first started dating, so it hadn't ever come up until she realized she did love her. If there's a solid construction between loving someone and being in love with them, Blue isn't sure she knows where it is.
Mostly Tris looks about as vulnerable as Blue feels and she doesn't like causing that.
"I mean, me too," Blue admits. "I...really didn't want to be with anyone for a lot of being a teenager, either. You know, being told you're going to kill someone by kissing them takes a lot of the fun out of high school dating." She huffs a wry laugh. "But sometimes it just sort of ...turned into something else." She's not entirely certain it didn't turn into something else with almost all the boys, in one way or another, it's just that some of them she wanted to kiss and some of them she didn't. Or she didn't want to kiss when they did, or whatever it was.
She presses her lips together. "I'm not sure I do either, to be honest?" Blue ruffles her hair. "I mean. I know what it looks like on screen, but that's not exactly what I mean, either. I guess...wanting to kiss you is a big part of it. And ..." She catches herself almost saying more than that and gives herself a Look internally. "Sex... If you wanted to do that. But it's not just that, because if you don't ever want to, I'd still want to be with you more."
Blue frowns over what she thinks more means. "I like holding your hand," she tries, and stretches hers out, a sort of offering. It feels like it'll feel better, too, than just standing close and negotiating.
no subject
That's always the trouble, isn't it? She loves Beth, and Olive, too, but she doesn't want to curl up with them the way she does with Tris. She hadn't been to saying I love you to Ellie as a friend when they first started dating, so it hadn't ever come up until she realized she did love her. If there's a solid construction between loving someone and being in love with them, Blue isn't sure she knows where it is.
Mostly Tris looks about as vulnerable as Blue feels and she doesn't like causing that.
"I mean, me too," Blue admits. "I...really didn't want to be with anyone for a lot of being a teenager, either. You know, being told you're going to kill someone by kissing them takes a lot of the fun out of high school dating." She huffs a wry laugh. "But sometimes it just sort of ...turned into something else." She's not entirely certain it didn't turn into something else with almost all the boys, in one way or another, it's just that some of them she wanted to kiss and some of them she didn't. Or she didn't want to kiss when they did, or whatever it was.
She presses her lips together. "I'm not sure I do either, to be honest?" Blue ruffles her hair. "I mean. I know what it looks like on screen, but that's not exactly what I mean, either. I guess...wanting to kiss you is a big part of it. And ..." She catches herself almost saying more than that and gives herself a Look internally. "Sex... If you wanted to do that. But it's not just that, because if you don't ever want to, I'd still want to be with you more."
Blue frowns over what she thinks more means. "I like holding your hand," she tries, and stretches hers out, a sort of offering. It feels like it'll feel better, too, than just standing close and negotiating.