"It's not, I'm not -- just picking him over you," she starts, petulant and defensive, and stops. There's no reason Ellie should believe her. And she knows there are plenty of people here who could have pledged their love unyieldingly to both, if Ellie had wanted that, which she wouldn't, Blue thinks, and Blue doesn't think she does either. Maybe back home, some future her that isn't her. Maybe that her can be a part of something like that, anyway, like Gansey had said, something building between him and her and Henry. But that's not what she wants. She mostly thinks right now she's not good at this. For anyone.

This what she does. She falls a little in love with everyone, the girl who thought she'd never fall in love with anyone. Sometimes it's easy, like Noah, like Adam, where it's love but not the kind that wants to kiss anyone, just the kind that isn't anyone without them. Sometimes it's not and no matter what you do about it it feels like your guts are being scraped out because someone gets hurt.

And it doesn't matter what her good intentions are, she's fucked it up here.

"It's not -- I could just have done that, if that's what I wanted. I didn't. I don't."