she flexed the fingers of her right hand, avoided looking down at her arm. A sacrifice of the special things, of the powers. The only thing special about Ellie was that she was immune to cordyceps. Would she give that up to save someone?
Once she would have been able to say she would have. Easily. Now, though... she didn't know what she would have done. Maybe that was the problem. Blue would give up all of this for Gansey; Ellie didn't know what she'd give up for Blue. She'd kill to protect her, sure, but fuck, killing was easy. Living was the hard part.
"And now he's alive again," Ellie said. "I mean- shit. I can't be against that, of course I'm not against that. You fight for every second you can. Just..."
She didn't even know what the next part was. What any of this was. She couldn't just throw a nail bomb at whatever this was. She'd never been great at this. At staying or leaving, or knowing which was the thing to do.
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Once she would have been able to say she would have. Easily. Now, though... she didn't know what she would have done. Maybe that was the problem. Blue would give up all of this for Gansey; Ellie didn't know what she'd give up for Blue. She'd kill to protect her, sure, but fuck, killing was easy. Living was the hard part.
"And now he's alive again," Ellie said. "I mean- shit. I can't be against that, of course I'm not against that. You fight for every second you can. Just..."
She didn't even know what the next part was. What any of this was. She couldn't just throw a nail bomb at whatever this was. She'd never been great at this. At staying or leaving, or knowing which was the thing to do.